Questionnaire for Wife and Mother

Introduction and Overview

Making the choice to make things a little bit better: this week Prepare your heart by reading Mt 7:2-5; Rom 14:7-23; Eph 4:25-32; Jas 1:16; 1Jn 1:9; Pro 28:13. Read over the list knowing that the goal is to prompt you to make a more "intentional investment" in the health/growth of your marriage. Scripture teaches us that we are to both "Put Off" character deficiencies and "Put On" character qualities that will helps us grow in our marriage. As you read through this list, find three things that you can choose to "put off" or "put on" to invest in the health of your marriage this week. Remember, God will bless you for doing the right thing, no matter how your husband responds. At this stage, your marriage lacks unity and feels divided.

However, it takes many little steps to reverse this pattern and build the unity that a Christian marriage should have. We will be challenging your husband to the same intentional investment in his marriage. Remember, the goal is to please the Lord more than even your husband because "partnering with God" is the strongest way to heal your marriage.

1. I resent the fact that we live where we do.
2. I demand too much of my husband’s __________________. What? How?
3. I am jealous and suspicious of _____________________. About what?
4. I am too critical of ____________________________. About what?
5. I am bossy. With whom? About what?
6. I am too concerned with outward appearances. Examples?
7. I have bestowed too much time, money, attention to __________________.
8. I’m not as happy as I pretend to be. I put on a false front. About what?
9. I’m too moody. About what? When? Examples.
10. I resent being tied down by the children or having no children.
11. I’ve been too insensitive to my husband’s problems and concerns. Which?
12. I’m too concerned about money. How manifested?
13. I’m too much of a perfectionist in my housekeeping. How manifested?
14. I’ve not been willing to go camping or bowling or __________________ with or to work on our cabin.

Practical Change Assignment © Biblical Counseling Center

LOG List: Wife & Mother

I was more concerned about a new career in _________________________ when motherhood should

1. I’ve never liked his parents or his older brother.
2. I’ve tried to please my parents too much when I should have been more concerned about pleasing him.

Examples.

have been the most important thing to me.

1. I have not sufficiently appreciated what his parents have done for us.
2. I agree with him about _____________________ when I should be submissive. Examples?
3. I’m too outspoken at times when others are around. Examples?
4. I don’t always pay attention when he is telling me something or explaining something to me. Examples?
5. I fret over the smallest things and blow them out of proportion. Examples?
6. I often allow my mind to wander during sermons and come away empty.
7. I’ve always been too apologetic about being a Christian. Examples?
8. I’m much too quick to condemn others. About what?
9. I haven’t accepted my husband’s role as leader and decision-maker as I should. How manifested?
10. I form my own opinions and try to carry out my own desires even when it hurts him. Examples?
11. I make decisions without first asking God for guidance. Examples?

I nag him about washing the car, mowing the yard, and fixing things around the house or ___________________________.

1. Sometimes I forget to do things that he asks me to do. Examples?
2. I try to be around him all the time and to always be doing things with him when I know he also needs time just to be alone.
3. I expect him to spend a lot of time in the evenings with the children, even when I know he is very, very tired.
4. I put the children’s needs ahead of his. Examples?
5. I allow the baby’s crying to make me irritable, etc.
6. I grumble about gathering up the trash so he can carry it out.
7. I complain about not eating out like we used to before the children came.

I sometimes feel depressed and unsatisfied with our sexual relations. When? Why? How aren’t you satisfied?

Part 3 · Page 3

1. I feel inferior to __________________________. About what?
2. I can often be negative and pessimistic in my outlook. Examples?
3. I complain about not having a second car instead of making the effort to take him to work so I can keep the car.
4. I often do not give him my enthusiastic support and cooperation in his role as the leader of the family.

Examples?

1. I will not express affection as he wants me to. What won’t you do?
2. I watch too much TV. I watch wrong programs.
3. I complain about not having any friends but I don’t do anything about it.

I removed the wallpaper in the bedroom that _______________liked and haven’t made any effort to put any more on the ugly wall though I know he wants me to. (Or something like this.)

1. I often resort to self-pity. About what? When? Give examples.
2. I gossip about what ______________________ or ____________________ has done.

I do not cooperate in the _____________________ activities of the church as I should. What should you do that you aren’t doing?

1. I don’t keep the beds made.
2. I begin to cry when he disagrees with me about the way we should spend our money or ____________________________.
3. I often neglect the wash and ironing.

I make excuses for my laziness and failure to fulfill responsibilities. What responsibilities are you failing to fulfill?

1. I allow the children to disobey me until finally I get so disturbed that I begin to yell and scream at them.

Examples?

1. I sometimes forget that ___________________ and I aren’t on opposing teams, but on the same team.

Specific examples of failure.

1. I become irritated with him about the way he spends money.
2. I forget to tell him about the phone messages for him.
3. When he comes home from work I complain and grumble about (the children, my aches and pains, etc.)

I get irritated by his weaknesses instead of accepting him, praying for him, encouraging him, and setting an example for him. Give specific examples.

1. I am too quick to state my opinion to him and to belittle his opinion. Give specific examples.

Part 4 · Page 4

1. I do not agree with the way he disciplines the children. Example? I let them get away with things that he would never approve of. Examples?
2. I often say I’m too tired to do what he wants me to do. Examples?
3. I am seldom ready at the time he wants to leave for some place. Examples?
4. When he comes home from work, I and the house often look like a disaster area. I am often so busy that I hardly have time for a peck on the cheek, let alone to sit down and talk with him, rub his back, or just to be close to him while drinking a cup of coffee.
5. When the children don’t do their chores, I nag, criticize, complain, or yell.
6. I don’t take time to give each child personal attention.
7. I sometimes resent all the work that is involved in taking care of the children. What work do you resent?
8. I am more concerned about my children’s physical and social well-being than about their spiritual wellbeing. How manifested?
9. I know that some things I do or don’t do annoy _____________________, but I am stubborn and won’t change. Examples?
10. I make fun of him in front of the children and other people. Examples?
11. I do not manifest my love in tangible ways as he desires. In what ways?
12. I sometimes argue with him about his decisions in front of the children. Examples?
13. I do not deal with issues or problems when they are beginning. Examples?
14. I keep a record of wrongs that people have done to me. I don’t practice biblical forgiveness. Examples?
15. When he makes a wrong decision or fails, I call it to his attention. Sometimes I let him know that if he had listened to me he wouldn’t have made the mistake. Examples?
16. I am inconsiderate of his desires. For example, he likes me to wear perfume, or rub his back, or go walking with him, but I think these things are unimportant. Examples?
17. I complain about the work he does for the church rather than cooperate and assist. Examples?
18. I don’t like to go to the trouble of having people in for dinner.
19. I expect too much of him and the children and am hurt and disturbed when they don’t perform as I want them to. Examples?
20. I make promises or threats to the children that I don’t keep. Examples?
21. I overprotect the children by _____________________________.

P&R Publishing, PO Box 817 Phillipsburg, New Jersey 08865

1. I fulfill the children’s responsibilities instead of teaching them to fulfill their own responsibilities. Examples?
2. I don’t take time to play with or just let the children know how much they mean to me.
3. I often refuse to have sexual relations with him and almost never ask him to have intercourse.
4. I allow my mother to meddle in our family. I often tell her things about him that make her think less of him. I am sometimes concerned more about pleasing my parents than about pleasing my husband.

Examples?

1. I often make inordinate demands on him, expecting too much of him. Examples?
2. I blame things on him that are actually my fault. Examples?
3. I spend too much time away from home and am not available to him or the children frequently.
4. I try to push him into things. Give examples. I am not content until he has come around to my point of view or made the changes I want made or done what I want done.
5. I lose my temper frequently. About what? Note specifically what occasions your loss of temper.
6. I do not trust ____________________ as I should. About what?
7. I expect him to know what I want, to know my desires, ideas, concerns, to see things as I see them without even sharing my innermost feelings and opinions with him. When he doesn’t, I think he doesn’t care about me, and then I become hurt and withdraw or __________________________. Give examples.
8. I take things too seriously and often make mountains out of molehills. I sometimes major on minors. Give examples.
9. I sometimes flirt with other men to make him jealous or to get a good feeling (I am still attractive to men, I am still worthwhile, etc.).
10. I complain about his lack of decisiveness or silence or lack or initiative, but have become upset with him when he is decisive or aggressive or open in expressing his opinions. Give examples.
11. I refuse to ask him for advice about some things or talk over certain problems with him. Give examples.
12. I do not take care of myself physically as I should. Be specific.
13. I smoke too much.
14. I drink too much.
15. I use profanity. I take God’s name in vain.
16. I have annoying habits and mannerisms. What are they?

Taken from: A Homework Manual for Biblical Living Vol. 2 Family and Marital Problems, Wayne Mack