Marriage Preparation Inventory

Introduction and Overview

A Marriage Preparation Inventory

This questionnaire is designed to help identify strengths and potential trouble-spots in your relationship. Most of the questions have no “right” answers; the important thing is for you to clearly state your perceptions in each case. Please do not discuss your answers with each other until after you have finished the questionnaire and emailed copies to your premarital counselor (mblack@biblicalcounselingcenter.org). The counselor conducting your pre-marital counseling is the only other person who will read your responses.

• Your name ____________________________________ Birth date _____________ Age ____
• Local Address ________________________________________________________________
• Phone ____________________ Occupation _________________________________________
• Schooling Completed __________________________________________________________

A. Your Backgrounds

1. How long have you known your fiancé(e)? ______________ When did you become convinced that you wanted to be married? (approximate date) ____________________________

2. Indicate your parents’ attitude toward your fiancé(e): total acceptance _______; acceptance with reservations _______; disapproval _______.

3. How do you perceive your prospective in-laws’ attitude toward you: total acceptance _______; acceptance with reservations _______; disapproval _______.

4. Comment on the familiar statement, “You don’t just marry the individual; you marry the whole family,” in terms of how you see it applying in your case. __________________________

5. Compare your family backgrounds: Yours Fiancé(e)’s

A. Your Backgrounds (continued)

6. Have you been married before? ___________

7. Have you been in any other relationship that you thought would lead to marriage?

If so, what happened?

8. Describe the marriage you have observed which you most want yours to resemble. _________

9. List the strengths of your parents’ marriage that you most want to experience in your own.

10. What weaknesses in your parents’ marriage do you wish to avoid? _____________________

B. Your Personalities and Temperaments

1. Indicate which of you tends more (in relation to the other) to be:

(mark “M” for the man “W” for the woman; be prepared to cite examples)

• the extrovert _____ — the home-body _____
• the introvert _____ — the party-person _____
• the talker _____ — neater _____
• the listener _____ — messier _____
• the thinker _____ — more ambitious _____
• the doer _____ — more complacent _____
• the planner _____ — more punctual _____
• the procrastinator _____ — more tardy _____
• the pouter _____ — more easy-going _____
• the shouter _____ — more quick-tempered _____
• the optimist _____ — more impulsive _____
• the pessimist _____ — more cautious _____

B. Your Personalities and Temperaments (continued)

• the night person _____ — more spontaneous _____
• the morning person _____ — more organized _____
• the spender _____ — more manipulative _____
• the saver _____ — more compliant _____

2. On the lines below, indicate the relative levels of maturity which you think you and your fiancé(e) have reached respectively, as compared with your age group. (On each line place an “M” for the man, and a “W” for the woman at the appropriate spot.) Immature Mature

Emotionally

Intellectually

Socially

Spiritually

1 2 3 4 5

3. In the same fashion, indicate how each of you tends to express the following feelings: Internalize Internalize, then verbalize Verbalize quickly Anger _____________________________________________________________________ Disappointment _____________________________________________________________________ Frustration _____________________________________________________________________ Guilt _____________________________________________________________________ Joy _____________________________________________________________________ 1 2 3 4 5

B. Your Personalities and Temperaments (continued)

4. List some of your fiancé(e)’s characteristics which are most attractive to you. _____________

5. Which of your fiancé(e)’s traits, habits, or mannerisms do you at least occasionally find irritating?______________________________________________________________________

6. Which traits does your fiancé(e) share with:

his/her father

his/her mother

your father

your mother

7. Which traits identified in #6 do you tend to dislike?

8. In which areas would you like your fiancé(e) to help you improve yourself? ______________

9. In which areas would you like to help your fiancé(e) improve? _________________________

C. Your Relationship

1. List the most significant interests you share in common.

C. Your Relationship (continued)

2. Indicate the relative importance of the following aspects of your relationship as indicated by the time and attention devoted to each. (Mark with an “X” at the appropriate spot.) Little Much

• Practical (doing things together) ______________________________________
• Intellectual (discussing thoughts, ideas) ______________________________________
• Physical (discussing, engaging in sexual activity)______________________________________
• Emotional (dealing with feelings) ______________________________________
• Spiritual (Bible reading, prayer, discussing faith) ______________________________________

3. Is the time you spend with your other close friends usually with _____, or without _____ your fiancé(e) also present?

4. What are your reading preferences?

Your fiancé(e)’s reading preferences?

5. Which books on marriage have you read?

6. What are some of the relational strengths which you can bring to the marriage? ___________

7. What do you consider to be your weaknesses as a prospective marriage partner? ___________

8. State honestly any fears, concerns, or apprehensions you feel about your anticipated marriage.

9. How do you intend to deal with these concerns?_____________________________________

C. Your Relationship (continued)

10. What are some matters about which the two of you have different opinions? _____________

11. How do you feel about arguing with him/her? Enjoyable _____; unpleasant _____; destructive _____; (other) ______________________

12. Do you sometimes feel guilty about the sexual involvement you have had with him/her?

D. Your Faith

1. Describe your relationship with God._____________________________________________

2. What are the main influences that have shaped that relationship? _____________________

3. How does your expression of your faith differ from that of your fiancé(e)? _______________

4. As you see it, how does a Christian marriage differ from any other? ____________________

5. How do you expect to cultivate your faith together after you are married? _____________

6. What does the biblical phrase, “the husband is the head of the wife” mean to you?

E. Your Finances

1. Indicate relative inclinations to spend money in the following areas: (“M” for man, “W” for woman at the appropriate spot) Least Likely Most Likely

• New clothes _____________________________________________
• Hobbies, recreation _____________________________________________
• Automobile _____________________________________________
• Books, magazines _____________________________________________
• Movies, concerts _____________________________________________
• Music equipment, tapes, CDs _____________________________________________
• Home furnishings _____________________________________________
• Groceries _____________________________________________
• Eating out _____________________________________________
• Entertaining guests _____________________________________________
• Gifts for spouse _____________________________________________
• Gifts for others _____________________________________________
• Vacations _____________________________________________

In which of the areas above would you say that your fiancé(e) might spend money frivolously?

In which areas do you think he/she might be too frugal? ________________________________

2. For which does each of you tend to spend money more freely: experiences __________ or things __________? (Indicate with “M” or “W”)

3. Which of you has had more experience in managing finances? _________________________

4. Who will manage your family finances? __________________________________________

5. Do you have a tentative budget? ________________________________________________

6. Will the wife be employed after you are married? __________ If so, are the reasons primarily financial __________, or commitment to a career __________?

F. Your Future

1. If both plan careers, whose job determines where you will live? ________________________

2. How soon would you like to have children? _______________ How many? _____________

3. What form of birth control do you expect to use? ___________________________________

F. Your Future (continued)

4. If an “accidental” pregnancy occurred, would you consider an abortion? _________ Does your fiancé(e) share your feeling about this? ___________________

5. If you should be unable to have your own, would you adopt a child? ___________________

6. What methods of discipline were most effective for you as a child? _____________________

7. How would your discipline of your children differ from that which you received? _________

8. What do you consider to be your primary responsibility for your spouse’s growth and development during the years of your marriage?_______________________________________

9. What would you like for him/her to say in answer to the previous question? ______________

10. What do you intend to do to stay in love?

11. What circumstances, as you see it now, would lead you to seek a divorce? ______________

12. If you specified a circumstance in #11, what will you do to prevent it? _________________

13. If your answer to #11 was “none”, on what do you base that confidence? _______________