How to Be a Bargain for Your Mate

Introduction and Overview

(Are you a good marriage partner?) The following quiz will help you discern how you are doing as a marriage partner. i.e., whether you are a bargain for your mate. Rating scale: Never =4: Seldom = 3: Sometimes = 2: Frequently = 1: Always = 0. Write the number that you judge to be true of your marriage on the blank following each question.

When a disagreement or problem arises, I focus on what is happening and what I should do to correct it instead of trying to understand why my mate does what he/she does. ______

When a problem arises I am ready to admit that I may be part of the problem. I focus on what I am doing wrong rather than on what the other person is doing wrong. ______

I realize that I cannot change the other person. He/she must want to change or all my efforts will compound the problem rather than solve the problem. ______

I realize that love is not primarily a feeling, but actions calculated to serve, please and help the other person in a God-honoring way. ______

I realize that love is not primarily a feeling, but actions calculated to Serve, please and help the other person in a God-honoring way. ______

I focus on changing my own behavior, attitudes, reactions and responses

toward the other person. I plan specific, attainable, repeatable, and positive changes that I can make. ______

I am constantly working to develop and maintain a good communication

system. I know that relationships are hindered when there is no communication or the wrong kind of communication ______

I am working to develop and maintain many commonalities, common

projects, common interests, recreational activities. I date my mate regularly. I do a variety of things with him/her. I am creative in the expression of love and appreciation. ______

I recognize and allow for differences between people in general and my mate and me in particular. I know that men and women tend to view things differently. ______

1. I regularly practice the Golden Rule as stated in Matthew 7:12. I treat my mate as I would want him/her to treat me. ______

I major on the positive things in my mate and our relationship

rather than the negative. I emphasize our commonalities rather than our differences (Philippians 4:8). ______

1. I practice the principle laid down in Luke 6:34, 35. I give and serve expecting nothing in return. ______

I keep current. I deal with one problem at a time. I don’t continue to have reruns on arguments from the past. I forgive and forget (Matthew 6:34; Ephesians 4:26). ______

I try to maintain a close relationship with god through Jesus Christ

(John 14:6; I John 4:21; Matthew 22:37-39; Ephesians 5:21-33). ______ Number of 0 – 1 answers ___________ Number of 2 – 4 answers ___________ This quiz describes thirteen principles for developing and maintaining good relationships with other people. It describes how you can be the marriage partner God wants you to be. If you could honestly answer all questions with a 0 or a 1, you probably have a good relationship with your mate. If you answered the questions with a 2 – 4, plan how you can change to turn the answers into a 0 – 1. The more 0’s or 1’s you have, the better will be your relationship. The more 2’s, 3’s or 4’s, the worse will be your relationship.