How to Use This Tool
This tool is designed to help you thoughtfully evaluate your relationship as you consider marriage. You will reflect on key areas and mark each question using the scale below. Be honest and prayerful—this is about clarity, not perfection.
- Complete this individually before discussing together.
- Mark each question as Red (🔴), Yellow (🟡), or Green (🟢).
- Discuss your answers honestly.
- Bring this completed form to your next session.
Scoring Guide
| Color | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 🔴 Red | Stop — This area raises serious concern. We should not move forward until it is addressed. |
| 🟡 Yellow | Caution — This area needs growth, clarity, or further discussion. |
| 🟢 Green | Proceed Wisely — This area reflects strength and health in the relationship. |
1. Spiritual Foundation
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Are we both genuinely following Christ? | |||
| Is Jesus more important than this relationship? | |||
| Do we see spiritual growth and fruit in each other’s lives? |
2. Expectations of Marriage
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Am I expecting marriage to make me happy, secure, or fulfilled? | |||
| Do I understand marriage as a covenant, not just a relationship? | |||
| Am I prepared to give rather than just receive in marriage? |
3. Handling Conflict
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Do we address problems or avoid them? | |||
| Can we talk honestly without attacking or withdrawing? | |||
| Do we seek forgiveness and work toward resolution? |
4. Life Direction & Alignment
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Are we heading in the same direction spiritually and practically? | |||
| Do we agree on major priorities (faith, family, lifestyle)? | |||
| Are we prepared to ‘leave and cleave’ from our families? |
5. Personal Maturity & Patterns
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Am I taking responsibility for my own growth? | |||
| Are there patterns (anger, avoidance, control) that concern me? | |||
| Am I honest about my struggles and weaknesses? |
6. Input from Others
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Have we sought input from trusted people? | |||
| Are we open to feedback and correction? | |||
| Have any concerns been raised by others? |
7. Willingness & Readiness
| Question | 🔴 Red (concerned) | 🟡 Yellow (needs growth) | 🟢 Green (healthy) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Do I clearly want to marry this person? | |||
| Am I free from pressure, fear, or guilt in this decision? | |||
| Am I willing to accept this person as they are today? |
Reflection Questions
- What areas feel most encouraging (green)?
- What areas concern you most (yellow/red)?
- What do you need to grow in personally?
- What conversations do you need to have together?