Study the Model
Study the illustration and then rank your relationship in each of the five areas below.
The bowl, ice cream, and fruit and nuts represent the three foundational areas of friendship: spiritual, social, and intellectual. The whipped cream and cherry represent the emotional and physical aspects of a committed, covenant relationship.
Spiritual Foundation
Where do you begin when you build an ice cream sundae? To do it properly and with less mess, you begin with the bowl. If you begin at the top, you end up with a real mess. The same principle is true if we emphasize other aspects of a relationship before the spiritual. Is this person growing in his or her faith? (2 Corinthians 6:14) Do we build each other up in our Christian walks? (Ephesians 4) This is the foundation of all good relationships. The spiritual, then, governs every other sphere of our relationships!
Intellectual Aspect
Can and does this person think clearly and logically? Does he or she challenge others to think biblically? Can we hold interesting and stimulating conversations together and with others? Is the Spirit controlling what goes into our minds and what comes out of our mouths? Can we communicate through differences?
Emotional Aspect
Whipped cream must be constantly shaken to come out of the can properly. It is more air than substance! When left alone, it melts down and leaves a mess. Similar things could be said of emotions. Don’t cheapen the words “I love you” by using them carelessly or prematurely. Save the emotional connection until you are ready to have a lifelong committed relationship. Then keep the can shaken with regular spiritual, social, and intellectual stimulation that keeps the emotions alive and well as you move toward marriage and continue to grow in your marriage.
Physical Aspect
God designed the physical relationship to be very special in a covenant relationship reserved for one husband and one wife for life. It is like the beautiful ripe cherry on top of a beautiful and delicious sundae. Putting emphasis on the physical prematurely and ignoring the foundation of friendship in the spiritual, intellectual, and social spheres damages prospects for future marital satisfaction in all spheres, but especially in the sexual. Why give up fifty years of pleasure for immediate gratification and lust?
Friendship and Commitment
The first three spheres of life are about friendship. All good friendships exhibit these elements. The next two are about committed and covenant relationships designed to last a lifetime.
Rank Your Relationship
1 = non-existent · 10 = mutually satisfying
| Area | Rating |
|---|---|
| Spiritual | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
| Social | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
| Intellectual | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
| Emotional | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
| Physical | 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 |
Social Aspect
Can we interact with each other socially? Activities in groups will help us learn to do so. Do we have any similar interests? Do we enjoy each other’s company? Are we enough alike to understand each other’s way of relating (active/social versus quiet/reserved)? Does the spiritual govern who we are with and what we do with them socially?