Expressing Love as Husband and Wife — Read Online

Introduction and Overview

Ways a Wife May Express Love to Her Husband

(How to Convince Your Husband That You Love Him) Evaluate the way you express love to your husband. Go over the list and circle the ways you are neglecting. Ask your husband to go over the list and put a check mark in front of the ways he would like you to express love. Ask him to add other things to the list. You may express love to your husband by:

Greeting him at the door when he comes home with a smile, a hug, a kiss, and an, "Am I glad to see you. I really missed you today."
Having a cup of coffee or tea ready for him when he comes home.
Giving him a lingering kiss.
Letting him know you like to be with him and making arrangements so that you can spend time with him without giving the impression that you really should or would rather be doing something else.
Being willing to talk to him about his concerns and not belittling him for having these concerns.
Supporting him and cooperating with him enthusiastically and positively when he has made a decision.
Teasing and flirting with him.
Seeking to arouse him and sometimes being the aggressor or leader in sex relations.
Asking him to have sex relations more than he would expect you to.
Really letting yourself go when having sexual relations.
Caressing him.
Looking at him with an adoring expression.
Sitting close to him.
Holding his hand.
Rubbing his back or... _____________
Wearing his favorite nightgown or dress or perfume or....
Expressing your love in words or notes.
Letting him know how much you appreciate him and what you appreciate about him. Do this often and for things 'that are sometimes taken for granted.
Pretend you are trying to convince him you think he is great and very important to you.
Frequently fulfilling his wishes and desires as well as the specific requests he makes of you. Try to anticipate what he might desire or wish and surprise him by doing it before he asks.

Part 2 · Page 2

Playing with him (tennis, golf, party games, etc.); sharing his hobbies and interests.
Enthusiastically cooperating with him and sharing with him in devotions and prayer; seeking to set a good example to the children concerning their attitude toward devotions and prayer.
Maintaining your own spiritual life through regular Bible study and prayer.
Handling your affairs decently and in order; structuring your time and using it wisely.
Being willing to face and solve problems even if it requires discomfort, change, and much effort.
Fulfilling your responsibilities.
Asking him for his advice and frequently following it.
Being ready to leave at the appointed time.
Standing with him and supporting him in his attempts to raise your children for God.
Thanking him in creative ways for his attempts to please you.
Asking for forgiveness and saying, "I was wrong and will try to change."
Actually changing where you should.
Working with him on his projects or....
Reading the literature he asks you to read and sharing your insights.
Letting him know when he has tough decisions to make (and even when they are not so tough) that you really believe he will choose the right thing and that you will wholeheartedly support him in whatever decision he makes, provided the decision does not violate clearly revealed biblical principle; being his best cheerleader and fan club.
Buying gifts for him.
Watching football or other sporting events with him and trying to really manifest an interest.
Keeping the house neat and clean.
Cooking creatively and faithfully.
Having devotions with the children when he is not able to be there.
Maintaining his disciplinary rules when he is not present.
Being appreciative and cooperative when he holds you, caresses or kisses you.
Lovingly giving him your input when you think he is in error.
Offering constructive suggestions when you think he could improve or become more productive. Don't push or preach or do this in such a way that you belittle him,

Part 3 · Page 3

but seek positive and non-threatening ways to help him become more fully the man God wants him to be.

Running errands gladly.
Seeking to complete, not compete with, him; being the best member of his team and seeking to convince him that you are just that.
Being lovingly honest with him-no back door messages-no withholding of truth that will hinder your relationship or future trust and closeness.
Being willing to see things from his point of view; putting the best interpretation on what he does or says until you have evidence that proves the contrary.
Pampering him and making a fuss over him.
Being happy and cheerful.
Refusing to nag.
Gently brushing, a leg under the table.
Having candlelight and music at dinner.
Indicating you want to be alone with him and talk or just lie in each other's arms.
Giving an "I promise you" wink.
Going for a walk with him.
Letting him know you feel lonely when he is out of town or away from you for a period of time.
Relating what happened to you during your day.
Sharing your fears, concerns, joys, failures, etc.
Seeking to support your ideas with biblical insights and good reasons.
Refusing to "cop out" or withdraw and attack or exaggerate or blameshift when he seeks to make constructive suggestions or discuss problems.
Giving him your undivided attention when he wants to talk.
Discussing the meaning of certain Bible passages or discussing how to improve your marriage or home or children or child raising efforts, etc.
Cheerfully staying up past your bedtime to resolve a disagreement or problem.
Holding him close while expressing genuine concern and tangible and vocal love when he is hurt, discouraged, weary, or burdened.
Being eager to share a good joke or some other interesting information you have learned.
Working in the yard or painting a room together or washing the car.
Planning vacations or trips together.
Wanting to keep your family memorabilia, newspaper clippings, church releases, etc., that have to do with your family.

Managing to stay within the family budget and even saving some for special

Bragging to others about him and his accomplishments and how good a husband he is.
Joining with him in a team ministry at the church.
Doing a Bible study or Bible research together.
Doing a good job in bookkeeping about family finances.
Helping prepare the income tax report.
Keeping touch through letters with your family and friends.
Keeping yourself attractive and clean.
Inviting other people in for dinner or fellowship.
Developing and using the spiritual gifts God has given you.
Asking him to pray with you about something.
Expressing how much you love the children and being the children's cheerleader.

surprises.

Being excited about sharing the gospel with others or about answered prayer or about helping other people.
Making a list for him of things that need to be done around the house.
Being satisfied with your present standard of living or furniture or equipment when he can provide no more.
Not making nostalgic comments about your father's way of providing, etc., which may seem to imply that you think your father was a much better man than your husband.
Acknowledging that there are some specific areas or ways in which you need to improve.
Taking care of his clothes so that he is always dressed well.
Appreciating and helping his mother and father and relatives.
Refusing to disagree with him in the presence of others.
Cooperating with him in establishing family goals and procedures and then in fulfilling them.
Being silly and unconventional in your lovemaking at times.
Telling him before he asks you that you think he has done a good job, if he has done a good job. Don't be afraid of repeating yourself in commending him for what he is or does.
Being available and eager to fulfill his desires wherever and whenever it is proper and possible.
Beginning each day with cheerfulness and tangible expressions of affection.

Part 5 · Page 5

Letting the children know that you and your husband are in agreement; communicating to your children when your husband can hear (and when he cannot) how wonderful he is.

Ways a Husband May Express Love to His Wife

(How to Convince Your Wife You Love Her) Evaluate the way you express love to your wife. Circle the ways you are neglecting. Ask your wife to go over the list and put a check mark in front of the ways she would like you to express love. Ask her to add other things to the list. You may express love to your wife by:

Functioning as the loving leader of your home.
Frequently telling her you love her.
Giving her a regular amount of money to spend in any way she chooses.
Leading family devotions regularly.
Smiling and being cheerful when you come home from work.
Helping her wash and dry the dishes at least twice a week.
Taking care of the children for at least three hours every week so that she has free time to do whatever she wants.
Taking her out for dinner or to do some fun thing at least once a week.
Doing the "fix-it" jobs she wants done around the house.
Greeting her when you come home with a smile, a hug, a kiss, and an "Am I glad to see you. I really missed you today."
Giving her a lingering kiss.
Patting her on the shoulder or fanny or holding her hand or caressing her frequently.
Being willing to talk to her about her concerns and not belittle her for having those concerns.
Looking at her with an adoring expression.
Sitting close to her.
Rubbing her back or....
Shaving or taking a bath or brushing your teeth before you have sex relations.
Wearing her favorite after-shave lotion.
Writing love notes or letters to her.
Letting her know you appreciate her and what you appreciate about her. Do this often and for things that are sometimes taken for granted. Pretend you are trying to convince her you think she is great and very important to you.
Doing the dishes while she relaxes or takes a bubble bath.
Fulfilling her implied or unspoken desires and wishes as well as the specific requests she makes of you. Anticipating what she might desire and surprising her by doing it before she asks.

Part 7 · Page 7

Playing with her; sharing her hobbies and recreational preferences enthusiastically; including her in yours.
Seeking to set a good example before the children.
Talking about her favorably to the children when she can hear you and when she cannot.
Bragging about her good points as a wife in every other area to others; letting her know you are proud to have her as your wife.
Maintaining your own spiritual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance and fellowship with with God's people.
Handling your affairs decently and in order; structuring your time and using it wisely.
Making plans prayerfully and carefully.
Asking her advice when you have problems or decisions to make.
Following her advice unless to do so would violate biblical principles.
Fulfilling your responsibilities.
Being sober, but not somber, about life.
Having a realistic, biblical, positive attitude toward life.
Discussing plans with your wife before you make decisions, and when the plans are made sharing them fully with your wife, giving reasons for making the decisions you did.
Thanking her in creative ways for her attempts to please you.
Asking forgiveness often and saying, "I was wrong and will try to change."
Actually changing where and when you should.
Sharing your insights, reading, good experiences with her.
Planning for a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can do whatever you want to do.
Giving a low whistle or some other expression of admiration when she wears a new dress or your favorite negligee or....
Gently brushing her leg under the table.
Being reasonably happy to go shopping with her.
Relating what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
Reminiscing about the early days of your marriage.
Expressing appreciation for her parents and relatives.
Taking her out to breakfast.
Agreeing with her about getting a new dress or some other item.
Thanking her when she supports your decisions and cooperates enthusiastically. Especially make it a matter of celebration when she supports and helps enthusiastically at times when you know she doesn't fully agree.
Asking her to have sexual relations with you and seeking to be especially solicitous of her desires. Express gratitude when she tries to please you.

Part 8 · Page 8

Buying gifts for her.
Remembering anniversaries and other events that are special to her.
Watching the TV program or going where she wants to go instead of doing what you want to do. Do it cheerfully and enthusiastically.
Being cooperative and appreciative when she holds you, caresses or kisses you.
Being cooperative when she tries to arouse you and desires to have sexual relations. Never make fun of her for expressing her desires.
Running errands gladly.
Pampering her and making a fuss over her.
Being willing to see things from her point of view.
Being lovingly honest with her-no backdoor messages-no withholding of the truth that may hinder your present or future relationship.
Indicating you want to be alone with her and talk or just lie in each other's arms.
Refusing to "cop out" or "blow up" or attack or blameshift or withdraw or exaggerate when she seeks to make constructive suggestions or discuss problems.
Giving her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
Cheerfully staying up past your bedtime to solve a problem or share her burdens.
Getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the children so that she may continue to sleep.
Holding her close while expressing tangible and vocal love when she is hurt, discouraged, weary, or burdened.
Planning vacations and trips with her.
Sometimes helping her yourself instead of telling the children to "help mommy."
Being eager to share a good joke or some other interesting information you have learned.
Joining with her in a team ministry in the church.
Doing a Bible study or research project together.
Establishing a family budget.
Keeping yourself attractive and clean.
Being cooperative, helpful, as a co-host when you have people in for dinner or fellowship.
Asking her to pray with you about something.
Spending time with the children in play, study, and communication.
Acknowledging that there are some specific areas or ways in which you need to improve.
Refusing to disagree with her in the presence of others.
Cooperating with her in establishing family goals and then in fulfilling them.
Being available and eager to fulfill her desires whenever and wherever possible and proper.

Part 9 · Page 9

Beginning each day with cheerfulness and tangible expressions of affection.
Planning to spend some time alone with her for sharing and communicating every day.
Remembering to tell her when you must work late.
Refusing to work late on a regular basis.
Taking care of the yard work properly and in a timely manner.
Helping the children with their homework.
Refusing to compare her unfavorably with other people.
Handling money wisely.
Not allowing work, church, or recreational activities to keep you from fulfilling marriage or family responsibilities.
Trying to find things to do with her.
Being willing to go out or stay home with her.
Being polite, courteous, and mannerly with her.
Refusing to be overly dependent on your parents or friends.
Developing mutual friends.
Providing adequate hospitalization insurance.
Trying to the level of your ability to provide housing and some support for your family in case you should die or become handicapped.
Being especially helpful and solicitous when she is not feeling well.
Being on time.
Going to P.T.A. with her.
Letting her sleep in once in a while by getting the children breakfast and, if possible, off to school.
Frequently giving in to her and allowing her to have her own way unless to do so would be sinful.
Putting children to bed at night.
Being gentle and tender and holding her before and after sexual relations.
Not nit-picking and finding fault, and giving the impression that you expect her to be perfect.