Tiny Lies, Exaggeration, and Misrepresentation
Tiny Lies
Being deceitful in sophisticated ways.
- “Yes, I’ll do that” but they don’t.
- “I didn’t do that” but they did.
- “I was only kidding” when they meant every word.
Exaggeration
Don’t use 100% words like “always” and “never.”
Each of us has also known the pain of being misrepresented. What we say is misquoted or understated or overstated or given a different tone or inflection or nuance. Some of this distortion takes place within our own families.
Misrepresentation
A false or misleading statement or a material omission which renders other statements misleading, with intent to deceive.
Each of us has also known the pain of being misrepresented. What we say is misquoted or understated or overstated or given a different tone or inflection or nuance. Some of this distortion takes place within our own families.
Sidetracking and Destructive Speech
Sidetracking
Going from problem to problem with no meaningful solution (a form of complaining without any real goal).
- When no one issue is thoroughly discussed.
- Any time you get close to an area where the person needs to change, they change subjects and get you on another track.
Verbal Slamming
Cutting words aimed to embarrass or humiliate.
This is OK in Ping Pong, but it’s not right when communicating. Hurling harsh and cutting words at family members will surely distance them from you, both spatially and emotionally.
Instead of slamming, be gentle!
Proverbs 15:1 — “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Cancellation Speech
Occurs when something is said in one breath and taken back (cancelled) with the next.
- “That was a good meal, why don’t you cook that way more often?”
- “That was a really nice date we went on—too bad it only happens once every year.”
Unwholesome Speech
Speech that is ugly or unwholesome, like cursing, sarcasm, cutting speech.
Ephesians 4:29 — “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Controlling and Defensive Speech
Ventriloquist Speech
Speaking for another person, putting words into their mouth.
- Answering questions asked of somebody else.
- Finishing the story.
- “What you really meant was.”
Final Word Speech
Cutting words aimed to embarrass or humiliate.
- Know it all.
- Has to have the final word.
- Can’t stand to have someone disagree.
Stonewalling
Giving the silent treatment.
- Refusing to talk.
- Refusing to answer questions.
- Abruptly walking away.
- Avoiding eye contact.
Defensiveness
The quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.
- Blaming, guilting, comparing, denying, blaming the other person, attacking the other person.
Negative and Manipulative Speech
Negative Bombs
Always seeing the negative and refusing to see the positive.
- Constantly complain or find fault.
- Gloom and doom speech.
- Seldom affirm or talk about the positive side of people or situation.
- “Things will never change.”
- “We will never heal from this.”
Mind Reading
Assuming you actually know what the other person’s motives or thoughts are.
- “You meant...”
- “You can’t fool me. I’ve lived with you long enough and...”
- “You said that to hurt me.”
Verbal Manipulation
Using emotional and extreme words to control and manipulate.
- “I wish you had never been born.”
- “I never wanted you anyway.”
Proverbs 15:4 — “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
Filibuster Speech
Where one person dominates the conversation and will not allow anyone else to talk.
- Talking non-stop so that the other person cannot get a word in.
- Constantly interrupting so that you can dominate the conversation.
Superficial, Heavyweight, and Hasty Speech
Cotton Candy Speech
Superficial speech that diverts any serious conversation.
- Superficial, lacking depth and substance.
- Surface talk, frivolous joking and teasing.
Heavyweight Speech
Over serious speech that does allow any kind of lightness.
- Opposite of cotton candy speech.
- Laughing, kidding, sports, etc. have no place.
Hasty, Kneejerk Speech
Saying whatever comes to your mind, no matter how hasty or extreme.
- “Everybody agrees with me.”
- “You are so stupid.”
Proverbs 29:20 — “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
Ecclesiastes 5:2 — “Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.”
Name Calling
Slandering another person.
Matthew 5:22 — “Whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”